"And when you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you."
Now, I'd like to have a whole lesson here on these verses, basically saying the same things that my pastor did. In fact, I got quite a ways into a lesson before I realized that's not what this blog is for. This is not a blog for others, where I can give lessons like someone trying to be a pastor or religious teacher. This is for me, so I can just examine myself and my faith. If, by side effect, you can relate to what I say, then cool. But this is a place where I can try to work out my own faith.
So that's what I'll try to do.
Fasting is not really something which has been a big part of my life. The few times I actually fasted, most of the time it was because others were doing it as well. I don't recall times where I actually fasted with the true objective of just spending time with God.
When I was growing up, fasting wasn't really a subject that was discussed. That may be because it's just not something we did much, or that it was seen as a last resort when everything else failed. I don't really know. In the churches that I've been a part of, I don't remember it being a big priority. I can remember many sermons on the preceding verses about not doing good works or tithing wanting people to notice. But not many sermons were spent on fasting. Now, I wonder why it wasn't discussed more.
Listening to what the pastor had to say, fasting is a very beautiful gesture of love. It says to God, "I need you more than I need food; more than life itself." And you know what? It's true. I do need God more than life itself. God is the source of my life; the source of everything I need. He gave me the greatest gift I could ever have - even when I was still a sworn enemy of His, he embraced me and adopted me into his family. That is so amazing!
I must confess that times when I fasted, I wanted to tell people about it; often I did. But I've got some things to think about now. If I did that now -- why? Why would I want people to know that I'm fasting? To make myself look better? Shouldn't I be wanting to make God look better, instead of me? That whole "may you increase and me decrease" thing, right?
Remembering that God is here with me through life, that he sees all and knows all, I can gain quite a different perspective. Bringing glory to God turns into something that's not just some abstract concept. It's like making my father proud, only this Father loves me even more than my dad ever could. It's hard to believe that's even possible. God's love is so much bigger and pure than I could possibly understand. I suppose it's one of those things that I'll never fully understand until Heaven. For now I can try to understand, but mostly I can just enjoy it.
Although remembering that God is here with me every step of my life is very convicting as well. I think of my sin. I sin such horrible sins when I think I'm alone, I know he would be ashamed. I mean, think of what you do and think about when nobody's around. Now think of the person closest to you, (your father/mother/sister/spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend) standing right beside you, and the thoughts you're thinking are not just in your head - you're speaking them out loud. How do you think they would feel? Makes you think, huh?
Makes me appreciate how God has paid for my sin. But also makes me want to stop sinning by any means. I don't want to keep hurting someone who loves me so much.
It seems that all the time God is preparing me to be a husband. The love of a husband and wife is modeled after God's love for us. As I learn more about the love of God, I'm learning how to live out that love towards my future wife. Even though I know I'm not ready for marriage, I eagerly await the day when God puts us together.
Well, that's all the musing I have today. To be honest, my brain is starting to hurt from all the thinking I'm doing. ;) So ta-ta for now.
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